Kannadasan – A Realized Master (Part 16)

 

Poet & sage Kaviyarasar has sung in various ways and forms diverse perspectives about how humans swim through the ocean of worldly life—sometimes rejoicing, sometimes struggling. Before looking at those, let us first observe the festivities & frivolities of the wedding. “Marriages, they say, are made in Heaven.  That is probably why; they are never down-to-earth.  Just see what an extravaganza we make out of a marriage:  glittering jewelry, gorgeous silk sarees, flashing video lights, bouquets and buffets and what not. 

In spite of the entire circus, one is still not sure of success or otherwise of a marriage.  That way, matrimony resembles the stock market gamble. If you are lucky, you win a lottery; else you are doomed for the rest of your life! Running this risk puts one into an awful dilemma:  To wed or not to.  Adding to one’s confusion, people offer this sincere advice: FOR HEAVENS SAKE, DONT MARRY! One cannot just ignore this especially because it comes from the married. After all, they are experienced and they ‘know’ better. 

Who runs the risk more in matrimony, the boy or the girl, is a debatable question. Going by what Benjamin Disraeli said, “Every woman should marry---and no man!” More than the fair sex, the male counterpart appears to be worst-affected by matrimony.  But you see this is a man’s view point. Others put it in a different way: “Getting married? By all means go ahead.  If you get a good wife, you will have a happy life. Otherwise, the world will have a good philosopher.” But the men’s world is very unfair to the fair sex in saying this. Any way if everyone had taken them seriously, it would have been the beginning of the end of human race. After all, nobody learns lessons from others’ mistakes.  And the writer is no exception! 

If one has decided to take the matrimonial plunge, it is perfectly in order, to look into the matchmaker’s column of newspapers.  Browsing through the cluster of ads one is awestruck by their bewildering variety.  They offer every type of boy & girl under the Sun.  And those tricky terms broad-minded, accomplished, ‘wheatish’ (NOT black or white) complexion, domestically trained (animal?), a profile which any boy or girl would start fantasizing about the life-partner. 

One ad says mother not alive, probably the USP to attract those poor people who are wary of the mother-in-law!  Responding to such ads looks like shooting in the dark.  You don’t know whom they’re aimed at.  It reminds us of the practice in some societies of traditional India and China where the bride and groom are not allowed to see each other until they are brought together for the wedding ceremony.  Oh. What a suspense! 

The world population statistics say that there is a smaller number of women than men in many societies. That makes hunting for a wife as the next project for boys after hunting for a job. Who knows the world may come a full circle. And as happened in the good old days, ‘Swayamwarams’ may become a reality in future where a girl can choose from amongst a number of eligible bachelors who stand in queue to get hand-picked. The remaining rejected ones from the marriage mela need not worry. They will have the freedom in the morning to get up from both the sides of their beds. And no need to check the mirror in the morning for wounds, external, and lick their internal wounds! 

Jokes apart, on a serious note, Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev, on marital relationships in his two-in-one book, “Emotion – The Juice of Life & Relationships – Bond or Bondage”, says on marital relationships: “No human being can live up to your expectations. Not one human being on the plant will be exact the way you expect him or her to be. Once this happens, you think, someone else is the source of your misery and naturally anger and hatred will follow…If you sit here as just a piece of life, you will be in perfect harmony with every other life. That is a reality. It is not my idea or your idea; that is the way existence is.” 

Never mind all that, Sir—what a fantastic song (“Iravukkum Pakalukkum Ini Enna Velai?”) "What use is there for night and day anymore?" is. You need not worry that I’ve swallowed 'better half' of it, as usual; let’s take a look at the rest of it as well. Before that, an educated friend suggested that it would be delightful if I were to dissect each song line by line and provide an elaborate commentary. My reason for avoiding that approach was the fear that it might end up resembling a "Konar Notes" study guide. Who knows—perhaps in the future, someone will need to publish explanatory notes for Kannadasan just as they do for Kambar and Valluvar now! Moreover, Kannadasan’s other stanzas and lines were written solely to suit the specific storyline and characters. Like the swan, we can choose to take only the lines containing the wisdom we need and leave the rest behind. Besides, my current endeavor aims to explore how the lyrics of the poetic genius Kannadasan align with Indian spirituality, the perspectives of Western thinkers, Quantum Science, Biology and Psychology. Okay, let us now return to the "wedding night" song; the couple is in a state of eager anticipation: 

"There is bliss in half-closing and opening one’s eyes to gaze;

There is bliss in caressing and admiring her tresses while half-asleep;

There is bliss in the art of two souls blending and sharing in halves;

Morning itself is now a misery; from now on, only the evening brings bliss." 

Those bound by love sway—"half-closed eyes in love, like a fruit fallen into milk"—with the one who "entered their heart just yesterday" (“Nenjathiley nee netru vanthaay”) (Film: *Shanthi*). Recalling that blissful, memorable day—and the person who had been by his side under that very moonlight (“Androru naal ithey nilavil”)—he found happiness, immersed in the memory of the moment: "I lay with half-closed eyes, and you gazed upon my form, O silvery moon" (from the film *Nadodi*). “Upon seeing that maiden with the tender heart” (“Manam kanivaana antha kanniyaik kandaal”), he—who was once as unyielding as stone—was moved to softness; “the sight of her eyes, half-closed and half-open, became a feast of love for him” (Film: *Idhu Sathiyam*). The beloved addresses her man as someone who is "Happy—happy from this day on," and describes how he playfully approaches her—"eyes closed, arriving amidst dreams" (Film: *Ooty Varai Uravu*). Is this what it means to fall in love with someone ‘with your eyes closed?’ But Benjamin Franklin gave funny and truthful advice to couples: "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards." A good survival strategy indeed. 

A romantic couple—much like the lovers in the song "Keladi Kanmani" who sang (by Vaali), "You are half, and I am half, my dear; without you by my side, my eyes will not sleep"—may sometimes find themselves in a state of despair, feeling their lives thrown off balance (*Tulabharam*) when the fierce winds of life blow: 

"In the wind—the mighty wind—

Even a lit lamp casts a shadow of darkness.

In the ocean of time, where do heaven and hell lie?

On the far shore... or the near one?

 

Life is a play; each person has a role to play,

While God assumes a guise of His own.

He lets the play unfold, then draws the final curtain;

Is not the stage His own?

Is not the path of life His path?" 

Let us now return to the remaining part of the song of Kaviyarasar that captivated our hearts: 

"An ecstatic trance—mistaking the moonlight for a garment;

A natural instinct—clinging to one another against the chill." 

How can one wear the moonlight as a garment? It is possible during a honeymoon. Poet Kannadasan once asked, "Is there such a thing as youth without love?" Likewise, can there be a wedding without a honeymoon? Whenever producers eagerly insisted on including a song in the story, poets would pour out romantic melodies like a torrential rain. Don't even ask about the directors. Back then, they used to pack up and head to Ooty or Kodaikanal. Nowadays, they fly off to places like Australia or Europe. 

For those who might be curious about the transition from the wedding night—often just briefly alluded to—to the honeymoon, it is worth noting that while Kannadasan penned many exquisite songs on the subject, he never once descended into vulgarity (save for two romantic duets where, in a single line each, he crossed the line into describing the female physique; those interested can do their own research to identify these songs). Despite their mastery of the words for women, the poet was a virtuoso at delicately articulating the subtle, complex emotions that women themselves often find difficult to express. For instance, in the song "Vaarayo En Thozhi Vaarayo" (Film: *Paasa Malar*), he succinctly captures the moment: "Un-bloomed womanhood shall blossom; a truth hitherto unknown shall be revealed; eyes that once remained steady shall swoon; a question once unclear shall find its answer; won't the heart melt into the night? Won't two become three?" In the same film, he teaches the unspoken art of love—something usually left unsaid—in just a few lines: "A maiden falters, her mind and actions out of sync; did her friends not tell her the tale? Does she lack the courage? Has fear not left her? Is she unaware of the passing hours?" (“Mayangukiraarl oru maathu”). 

Apart from these, there are dozens of 'wedding night' songs—such as "Naanamo Innum Naanamo..." (from *Aayirathil Oruvan*), "Paal Vannam Paruvam Kandu..." (from *Paasam*), "Athikkai Kaai Kaai..." (from *Bale Pandiya*), and "Poojaikku Vantha nilave vaa” (Film: Paatha Kaanikkai). Listeners can fondly reminisce about the songs sung by mothers-in-law and others for their own wedding nights. But one thing is certain: one could—even with eyes closed—say that cinema played a significant role in Tamil Nadu's population growth over the decades (from the 60s to the 80s)! 

Now...let us see what Western thinkers have said about the honeymoon. Helen Rowland said, “The honeymoon is the period when a man agrees with his wife." She continued to point out the reality of married life, "The honeymoon is not actually over until the first baby arrives and the last payment is made on the furniture."  Talking of furniture, it is the only time when a couple enjoys paying extra for a room with one bed. Another wise person, H. L. Mencken, made a mischievous remark: "Honeymoon is a short period of doting between dating and debating." And one classic anonymous quote goes like this… "The honeymoon is the happiest month of married life—provided it doesn't arrive after the credit card bill." Maximum fun is expected by the couple during honeymoon but it may also turn out to be funny where two people discover that one snores and the other steals the blanket. During the honeymoon, both are awake all night talking. A year later, they are awake because the other is snoring.  And that is why Kaviyarasar sang, "With every passing year, a year of one's life slips away; so, come, come, come, come before that happens" (“Aandonru ponaal vayathonru pogum, atharku munnaaley va va vava”) (Film: *Policekaran Magal*). 

The honeymoon is also Nature's way of giving newlyweds a head start before reality catches up and heartache prevails. It is also a heavenly period when getting lost is considered romantic. Later, it turns out be "Where the hell you had gone?" as it is the last holiday before housekeeping becomes a full-time job.  The honeymoon ends the first time someone says, 'Where do you want to eat?' and the answer is, 'I don't know. You decide.'" It also ends when the suitcases are unpacked and the bills are opened. The honeymoon is a vacation where two become one... and then discover one likes the AC at 18°C and the other at 26°C. It is love's dress rehearsal before real life takes the stage. How life turns upside down before and after the pleasant but short period is a wonder. The first week of marriage: 'After you, darling.' The tenth year: 'Why are you in my way?'" 

The honeymoon is when both say 'Yes, dear' before they learn to say 'We'll see.'" And it also a period of mutual admiration interrupted only by room service." The Tamil sense of humor often captures this beautifully:  "The honeymoon is when the husband listens only to his wife. Married life is when he listens to everyone else—especially the children!" Here are some tasteful, slightly more mischievous honeymoon jokes: "A honeymoon is the only holiday where a 'Do Not Disturb' sign is considered good manners." Another goes this way, "The bride packs five dresses. The groom wonders why." On the honeymoon, every sunset is romantic. Six months later, it's just traffic on the way home. "In fact, in my office, they encourage bachelors to marry so they will prefer staying and working more improving productivity", said one shrewd business owner. 

The honeymoon is also the only trip where nobody complains that the room is too small. The first argument on a honeymoon is usually about who forgot the flight ticket/passport. "Marriage begins with a honeymoon. Then comes the 'Where did we keep the mobile charger?' phase." A honeymoon is when the husband insists on carrying the luggage. A few years later, he asks, 'Does this bag really need to come?' A successful honeymoon is one where the camera gets less attention than the couple." 

The poet A.S. Mani, whom we encountered earlier, wrote in his song "Ninaippathu Niraiverum" (What is Wished Will Come True): "If the two remain united in love, they can live with grace, just as they do today." Yet, when a couple parts ways without love, the lyricist Vaali lamented, "What kind of bond is this? What kind of separation?" (Film: *Kalangarai Vilakkam*). However, the 'King of Poets' Kannadasan sang positively about marriage—viewing it as a 'new story' penned by the Divine that spans lifetimes—in the film *Prabtham* (“Sontham eppodhum thodarkathaithaan..”):

 

"A bond is an unending story that goes on forever;

A sweet tale that seeks us out and unites us, wherever we go;

A new story, written by the Divine, that has brought me together with you." 

Let us also continue this delightful new story... in the next episode...

 

-J Jeyes (www.jeyes.in)