Kannadasan – A Realized Master (Part 14)

 

In the previous episode, we marveled at the line: "Someone looked at the maiden's face; I did not see it." If she didn't see it, how did she know that *he* was looking at *her*? If that was mind-boggling, what would you say about this poem by a Chinese philosopher-poet, translated into English? 

"I know that

You know that

I love you;

What I want you

To know is

I know

You love me!" 

When I sent this piece to the Kavignar Jayalan—which I had read somewhere forty years ago—he penned it in Tamil. He even composed it in the *Venba* meter under the title "Miss Understanding": 

"Beloved, I know—and you know—that I love you;

O cool one, radiant as the moon!

All I wish for you to know is this:

That I know you love me, your lover." 

Both of them know they love each other. The one thing they don't know is that everyone around them is aware they are deeply in love. Is the explanation even more mind-boggling than the poem? Enough—the lovers are already dizzy with the intoxication of romance! 

Some might ask, "Sir, why do you always use terms like 'pairs, lovers, or couples'? Why not just name them?" Even if I were to mention the specific names, it wouldn't be right! For instance, if I were to say they are like "Sivaji and Padmini," some viewers would agree it is a "right" match, while others would argue it is "wrong," insisting that "Sivaji and Savitri" make a superior pair. Conversely, if I wrote "MGR and Saroja Devi," many would celebrate them as a "good" pair, whereas others would call it a "bad" choice, arguing that nothing beats the “MGR-Jayalalithaa” pairing. 

If I described a couple like "Ravichandran and Kanchana," many of you would "like" it, while others would "dislike" it. Finally, regarding pairings like "Gemini-Savitri, Jaishankar-L. Vijayalakshmi, or Muthuraman-K.R. Vijaya," some would say, "That’s what we want," while others would say, "We don't want that." You might even start a debate over whether a pairing like "Nagesh-Manorama" would work. Ultimately, as we saw earlier, the moment specific personalities are introduced, subjective notions of "good vs. bad," "right vs. wrong," "like vs. dislike," and "want vs. don't want" creep in, leading to arguments and headaches. Terms like "pairs, lovers, and couples" are neutral. Eckhart Tolle, for instance, prefers the word "Being" over "God" to avoid the inevitable "My God vs. Your God" conflicts. Readers are free to visualize their own favorites on the screen of their minds—shaped by their own experiences and imagination—or even picture their own real-life partners in a romantic light. After all, the living people right beside us are the true reality than the silverscreen, aren't they?

 

The couple's compatibility was superb—but did it end in marriage, or did they part ways—he becoming a bearded, lovelorn figure and she a tearful beauty? There are countless songs about love ending in heartbreak. Yet, there are also couples who face struggles even after successfully tying the knot. Let us first look at the former category. 

Indian cinema has branded ‘a beard and alcohol’ as the only recourse for a man when a relationship ends. Kannadasan described this male realm as "a different world" (“Idu veru ulagam”). In the film *Nichaya Thaamboolam*, he quipped, "They gather to forget their worries, seeking solace at the rim of a glass." The very same protagonist—who philosophizes that "the past and what transpired are mere illusions, while the present world is the only reality"—cries out in anguish, "For whom? (‘Yaarukkaaka?’)" upon facing heartbreak (Film: *Vasantha Maaligai*): 

“The love that the eyes sketch

Is what bringing tears to the eyes;

The affection that women show

Is what drives us mad and makes us wander

This is a drama played out daily

By the One who pulls the strings from above.” 

If any reader is wondering why men behave the way they do particularly after a love failure, a good place to start is the book “Male Brain: An Essential Owner’s Manual for Every Man, and a Cheat Sheet for Every Woman!” by Louann Brizendine. Going beyond the good-old hero male hormone Testosterone, one can understand the effects of magical cocktail of chemicals viz., Vasopressin, Oxytocin, Prolactin, Cortisol, Androstenedione and Dopamine. It’s a great read for women too, even as it reveals the secret at every stage of life such as, when men are born as a fetus, buzz around as a boy and the riotous journey of puberty, mature adulthood, old age, the chemicals determine their perception, feelings and behavior. The author says, “Scientists have even found that male-specific neurons may be directly linked to stereotypical male behaviors.” And although drug and alcohol abuse is reported to increase when men are together, even without those substances, men take more chances in life and risk failures in relationships. They are unable to cope up with their ‘loss’ as their hormones as well as social conditioning/upbringing don’t let them release their sorrow by expressing themselves. So, they ‘bottle’ them up in privacy and lick their wounds in the company of other fellow males. 

Coming back to Kaviyarsar’s crying heroes, he calls out with deep yearning, singing, "I am not calling out to *you*, but to my very life; for even if one covers one's eyes, the thoughts within the mind do not vanish." (“Naan Unnai Azhaikavillai.. En Uyirai Azhaikiren”) (Film: *Engirundho Vandhaal*). The poet also highlighted the self-pity aspect—capturing the expression of the person who missed the moment, asking, "Did he ever imagine this would happen?" (“Avan Ninaithaana Ithu Nadakkumendru?”) (Photo: Selva Magal). The lyricist describes how deeply frustrated men might think in this manner (“Kankale kankale kaadal seivathai vittu vidungal”) (Film: *Vaazhkai Padagu*): 

"Oh eyes, oh eyes, cease your loving ways;

Oh women, oh women, let young men live a little;

Oh heart, oh heart, stop dwelling on such thoughts;

Oh bed, oh bed, forget the intoxication of desire;

Let no lover shed tears upon beholding the golden hue of a maiden's form." 

The poet also argues strongly on behalf of women, enlisting dreams, the moon, and flowers as allies in these songs: “A mute woman dreamt a dream—she withers, keeping it locked within her heart; she has no language to voice it, nor a way to find relief from her anguish” (“Oomai pen oru kanavu kandaal”) (Film: *Vaanambadi*); “I searched the town and found someone; I searched my heart and found a bond; I immersed myself in that bond, only to encounter separation” (“Oorengum thedinen oruvarai kanden”) (Film: *Then Nilavu*); “My beloved king, greetings from your loving peacock; why has your affectionate heart changed? Even I do not understand” (“Aaruyire Mannavare.. Anbu mayil vanakkam”) (Film: *Kulamagal Radhai*); “Oh flower, oh flower, do you not know? Do you not understand the state of my heart?” (“Malare Malare Theriyado”) (Film: *Then Nilavu*). In this song, he chastises society as a whole and the male gender: "Does God exist?" (“Iraivan Irukkindraana?” (Film: *Avan Pithana*): 

"Despite sharing the same thoughts and living as one,

Who truly cherished those born as women as the apple of their eye?

If they exist, they are acknowledged only where they are; if not, they are forgotten.

If this is what defines humanity, then nature itself would come to a standstill.

Does man truly exist?" 

Kannadasan introduces a fresh twist to the 'village vs. city' romance theme in the song "Paarappa Palaniyappa Pattanamam Pattanamam" (Film *Periya Idathu Penn*): 

"City romance fades away halfway through,

While village romance holds a steadfast form." 

In the song from the film *Pattikkada Pattanama* itself, the poet resolves a conflict with words of reconciliation—"I offer my best wishes; may you live a good life..." (“Nal vaahthu naan solluven.. nallapadi vaazhkavendru”): 

"Who is without flaws? Who is without faults?

We live but once; let generations offer their blessings—come!" 

In his book, “Men are from Mars Women are from Venus: A practical guide for improving communication and getting what you want in your relationships", John Gray, based on years of successful counseling of couples and individuals, gives advice on how to counteract the differences between the sexes in communication styles, emotional needs, and modes of behavior to promote a greater understanding between individual partners. In his own words, “Men and women generally are unaware that they have different emotional needs. As a result, they do not instinctively know how to support each other. Men typically give in relationships what men want, while women give what women want. Each mistakenly assumes that the other has the same needs and desires. As a result, they both end up dissatisfied and resentful.” 

In the following song, Kannadasan portrays a woman's state of bewilderment and longing (from the film *Bhagyalakshmi*) (“Maalaipozhuthin mayakkathiley, oru kanavu kanden thozhi”): 

“In the spell of the twilight hour,

I dreamt a dream, my friend;

Words remained unspoken in my heart—

What could be the reason, my friend?

Who was it that said

‘Some days bring joy, and some bring sorrow,’ my friend?”

“Youth is but a realm of dreams;

In it, sometime has slipped away.

Without clarity or knowledge of the end,

The future lies shrouded in uncertainty.” 

It is common for many to blame God for the failure of their romance. Kannadasan, too, fiercely takes God to task in these songs: "Bringing two people together and then drawing the curtain—this is a game played by the Almighty" (Film: *Nilave Nee Saatchi*); "God ought to be born as a human; He should fall in love and wither in agony" (“Kadavul Manithanaaha Pirakka Vendrum”) (Film: *Vaanambadi*); "I do not know the purpose of this life... it is merely a pastime for God to play with me" (Film: *Saraswathi Sabatham*) (Regardless of the song or story's context, the poet's play of words—describing it as a 'leisure-time timepass'—is excellent). Kaviyarasar takes the God-bashing for 'human failure' to the next level in this song (Film: Kulamagal Radhai) ("Unnai Solli Kutramillai, Ennai Solli Kutramillai"):

“No fault of yours, No fault of mine;

It is a twist of fate, A wrong committed by God.” 

He additionally blames the other elements of time, fate and mathematical miscalculation in match-making by the Supreme: 

“The God who brought us together

Had no time to see it through to the end.

Was I born for you? Were you born for me?

It was a blunder made by God—

An error in His calculations.

Neither of us is at fault;

It was a mistake committed by the Divine.” 

The frustrated man is tossed between hope and despair, expressed in simple language by Kaviyarasar (Film: Thaiyai Kaatha Thanayan) (“Nadakkum Enbaar Nadakkaathu, Nadakkaathenbaar Nadanthu Vidum”):

“What is said to happen, will not;

What is said not to happen, will.

What is said to be attainable, will not be;

What is said to be unattainable, will be.” 

This song (from the movie *Enga Mama*) captures the mood of someone who has reached the depths of despair yet wishes the other person well—a sentiment of "Live happily, wherever you may be" (“Engirunthaalum Vaazhka”) song’s mood. (“Ellorum Nalam Vazha Naan Paaduven”): 

“I sing so that everyone may live in well-being;

But who will sing for me to live?

You may find your own path and live your life;

And I shall find mine and go my own way.

Wherever you go, may you find happiness;

And I shall always sing for your well-being.” 

Belonging to same human species, how men and women differ so much as if they have descended here from different planets such as Mars and Venus? Interestingly in his book, “"If You Meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him!", Psychotherapist Sheldon B Kopp says, “No man can be fully a man unless he comes to terms with the female double within him. So too, with women and their male shadows. Those who do not know their sexual counterparts are absurd caricatures of the identities to which they aspire. Not knowing the hidden other within themselves, they hate and distrust the opposite sex.” 

A curious point to note is that fetuses with Y Chromosome develop as male children inside the mother’s womb ONLY after four to six weeks of the life’s beginning. Also, men naturally have female hormones like Estrogen, Progesterone, etc. Especially, when a man becomes a father, during and immediately after delivery of the child by his partner, his body secrets Prolactin so he feels protective towards the newborn. Just similarly, women naturally have male hormones (androgens) throughout life, such as, Testosterone, DHEA, Androstenedione. The difference is mainly in the amounts, not the complete absence of either. Indian Spirituality has already showcased Ardhanaareeshwar, as a male & female combined form, of Shiva & Shakti. 

The author goes on to point out that “What people look for in marriage, at least in part, is the other half of themselves. Each of us is in some measure incomplete, with some aspects of our humanity over-developed and others neglected.  What we do not claim for ourselves, we look for in the other. To some extent, each of us marries to make up for his/her own deficiencies. Much of the time I believe that we are all about as good and as bad as one another.” 

Coming back to Kaviyarasar, in the following song, he touches the philosophical chord in a comical manner of opposites (Film: Annai) (“Buthhi ulla manidarellaam vetri kaanbathillai..”): 

“Not all wise men succeed

Successful people are not smart

Not everyone who reaches puberty falls in love

Not everyone who falls in love ends up breaking up

Not all married people live together

Not everyone who lives together goes together

A dream is a dream for a dreamer

The relationship that comes in the dream he sees” 

"We have suffered enough in this life, which is as fragile as a house of cards." Enough of melancholy! I understand your request to bring the couple together. The 'Poet-Sage' himself turned this into a comic moment in this song (from the movie *Vettaikkaran*) (“Seetukattu Raja…”): 

“Oh, King of the deck of cards,

Turn around and look this way, just a little. 

Bravo, bravo, my man—

Now you’ve truly proven yourself a man.

We walked here separately,

But we’ll head home together.” 

Let us also follow the poet's lead and offer these wishes to those who are captivated by love (“Varavendum vaazhkaiyil vasantham”) (Film: *Mayangugiraal Oru Maadhu*): 

“May spring arrive in our lives,

Bringing the joy of a love that ever grows;

With you for me and me for you,

May our life together remain blissful forever. 

Gazing at your face soothes my heart,

Your glance makes my thoughts blossom;

May my empire of love endure,

Lasting forever like an epic tale!” 

The lesser-known poet A.S. Mani sang, "What I wish for will come true if you are with me; what unfolds will be for the best if I am with you" (“Ninaippathu Niraiverum Nee Irundhaal Ennodu”). Was the married life that followed truly blissful? Let us see in the next episode… 

-J Jeyes (www.jeyes.in)